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"Goblins Don't Scare Us" is the story of young Prince Tristan, whose parents have gone off on a quest and left him, an eleven year old boy, in charge of the kingdom. And then one day an alarming new tutor, Dr Bolgin, arrives, saying that he has been sent by Tristan's parents. He is only about a metre high and has large ears, large feet and a pointed nose. And what do you know, he is accompanied by a whole band of soldiers who look the same! In fact, Prince Tristan is subject to a goblin takeover. Dr Bolgin is aided in his endeavours by the Black Talon, the punning leader of a band of verminous ravens. But Tristan has friends too. One is his beautiful, if difficult, French cat, Madame Minette, who has never been fooled by Dr Bolgin for a moment. She seeks the advice of Theodosius, tawny (owl) at law, on whether she may reveal to Tristran that animals can speak to humans in certain circumstances and so reveal what is going on. Madame Minette and Theodosius help Tristan in his double struggle, both with the goblins and the bad side of his own nature. Tristan is further assisted, after a fashion, by an absent minded witch and Percival, a nervous and clumsy pigeon, who in many ways turns out to be the real hero of this story.

photographs by Mike Eddowes

"Goblins Don't Scare Us" was first written by Nigel Osner as a children's book called "Magic in Ravenswood".

It was highly praised by Naomi Mitchison in the Times Educational Supplement at the time of publication:

"good marks --- All the characters are well-defined --- There is enough irony to give it strength to deal with a traditional situation without going soft or silly."

Nigel has now turned "Goblins Don't Scare Us" into a musical. He wrote the book and the lyrics. The music was composed by BB Cooper www.artfieldmusic.com. "Goblins Don't Scare Us" had a successful showcase performance at the Bridewell Theatre. The performers included Cheryl Kennedy, Ian Lavender, Toni Palmer and Derek Smith. It was featured in the Greenwich Musical Futures Festival at the Greenwich Theatre in 2001.

It had its world premiere, directed by Pat Garrett, at the New End Theatre, Hampstead, London NW3 between 17 December 2002 and 11 January 2003.

Press Comments:

CRITICS' CHOICE The Times

‘this beguiling tale of bewitchment set in the distant kingdom of Ravenswood is certainly welcome in the midst of Cinderellas, Aladdins and Dick Whittingtons. It is refreshing to find a show inhabiting a more unfamiliar world. This one, based on Nigel Osner’s children’s book Magic in Ravenswood , which the author has adapted himself for this stage version - is captivatingly conjured.’ Mark Shenton The Stage.

‘The most important factor in judging any Christmas show like this is of course the kids’ verdict. This show succeeded in keeping a class of eight-year-olds quietly gripped, with the occasional genuine burst of laughter.” Roland Lloyd Parry The Hampstead and Highgate Express

“His show, with music by BB Cooper, has been delighting children, telling the story of a prince trying to judge the difference between right and wrong.” In the wings, Camden New Journal

Main characters in order of appearance

Percival, an unimpressive looking pigeon
Tristan, a lonely Prince
Madame Minette, an elegant French cat
Theodosius, a tawny owl and a distinguished lawyer
The Witch, who lives in the forest
Dr Bolgin, the Prince's unusual tutor
The Black Talon, the leader of a gang of ravens

The action takes place one November in a distant kingdom some time ago "Goblins Don't Scare Us"

A mixture of black comedy and fairy tale - with a moral: 'We don't always get what we want, but we often get what we deserve!' Michelangelo Smith is a sensitive but unstable gourmet and sculptor. He makes models of Hollywood legends - such as Garbo, Betty Grable and Tyrone Power - out of icing sugar. In comes Lucrezia Leech, aged 60 but looking 35 through extensive plastic surgery. She wants Michelangelo to make models for her new restaurant, Rock Heaven, which is a tribute to all the great dead rock stars. But her plans are delayed. The Hollywood models are damaged by two wannabe chorus boys, who sing the first song in the musical, ‘Life’s such a bitch’. Michelangelo goes mad. In the asylum he meets the charismatic Soho Slicer, a serial killer, who wishes to make amends by giving some chosen victims his version of eternal life. This meeting has sensational consequences. Michelangelo discovers a liking for cannibalism. Lucrezia falls in love with the Slicer. A lot of young people disappear. Rock Heaven opens. But are the performing models of dead rock legends exactly what they seem? And how do these events affect one vegetarian rock singer, one groupie with studs in interesting places, one over the hill lady detective superintendent and one young detective sergeant with appalling dress sense? Find out as it all comes together in the outrageous and sensational finale.

Nigel developed the story with Marc Urqhuart, the actor and director. Nigel wrote the book and lyrics. The music was composed and arranged by Scarlett G Antaloczy www.lifesoundz.com.

Rock Heaven has been showcased with sparkling success at the CAA in Covent Garden and at the Pizza on the Park. It is already becoming a bit of a cult! It is now ready to be unleashed on the world.

Poppy Love, (19) an aspiring groupie, hoping to find love
Gavin, (mid 20's) a chorus boy, looking for stardom
Craig, (mid 20's) a chorus boy, looking for stardom
Michael - 'Michelangelo' - Smith, (25-35) a gifted chef and modeller, owner of a failing suburban restaurant, looking for a lover and for recognition
Lucrezia Leech, (mid 50's but looks much younger) a rich and powerful performers' manager, interested in being even richer and more powerful
Throb, (28-30) a cool and self adoring American rock star,hoping to get a real life
The Soho Slicer, (late 40's) a serial murderer and anatomist, looking for moral and sexual gratification
Detective Superintendent Cyd Stalwart, (mid to late 40's) a middle aged detective, who feels that her career is coming to a dead end, looking for fulfilment
Detective Sergeant Bill Eager, (25-30) a keen young policeman, looking for someone to take care of him